This book [Silence of Shame] provides an honest raw and often unforgiving portrait of children who deal with chronically-ill or mentally abusive parents. M.S. is only very barely understood as the author writes, but in the narrative readers find Wendy understands very well the cause of her mother's outrage, mood swings, horrific utterances, and unforgivable pain done to her offspring, all of whom are innocents looking to survive. Nobody escapes childhood without some scars, but it is fortunate Wendy is able to use her hurt and honesty to provide a powerful set of vignettes on her own story and upbringing.
— IBPA Benjamin Franklin Award Judge
— IBPA Benjamin Franklin Award Judge
An excellent read! A compelling, heart wrenching account of growing up in the Western Upper Peninsula of Michigan and caring for her bedridden mother as told through a child's eyes.
Well written. I couldn't put it down until I finished reading the entire book!
-- Marie Kinnunen
Well written. I couldn't put it down until I finished reading the entire book!
-- Marie Kinnunen
Wendy Menara's brave and intensely personal memoir "Silence of Shame: A Child Caring for Her Bedridden Mother" chronicles, via a series of loosely associated essays, her complicated and heart-wrenching relationship with her mother, afflicted with MS, and her nine siblings. Wendy's mother, Shirley (known to Wendy as Mumma), bore her illness with both dignity and a strong measure of anger. Her verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse of her children is painful to read about, anxiety producing and sometimes tear triggering. Mumma's tender moments are countered by the constant threat of her wrath and the helplessness of knowing she can never get well. We know from page one that Menara has survived this difficult childhood. She has, after all, written this account. But how she gets to survival is the propellant. With each turn of the page the reader looks for clues as to how an emotionally abused child gets from that place to the state of grace it takes to write about the abuser with love and a clear eye.
Anyone who has ever suffered at the hand of an angry, dysfunctional parent or who has cared for a parent with a chronic illness will feel a strong bond with Menara's story. If you are lucky enough to have been raised in a loving, nuclear family (or any scenario in between) this book will offer you an insight into childhood trauma and how some individuals are able to process, adapt and create full lives for themselves, even in the face of such adversity.
— Kim Bromley,
CEO at Apocryphal Pictures, LLC
Anyone who has ever suffered at the hand of an angry, dysfunctional parent or who has cared for a parent with a chronic illness will feel a strong bond with Menara's story. If you are lucky enough to have been raised in a loving, nuclear family (or any scenario in between) this book will offer you an insight into childhood trauma and how some individuals are able to process, adapt and create full lives for themselves, even in the face of such adversity.
— Kim Bromley,
CEO at Apocryphal Pictures, LLC
After years of burying shameful events in her young life, Wendy Menara finds the courage in this compelling memoir to unearth and shed light on the traumatic events she and her siblings managed to survive. The stories found within speak of the hardships, struggles, and pain experienced by children taking care of a domineering, single, chronically ill, bedridden mother suffering with multiple sclerosis. Silence of Shame spares no detail in this haunting memoir.
— Charlene Burgi
— Charlene Burgi
Silence of Shame is written with a narrative distance that is rarely seen in memoir, and certainly not in a memoir about growing up in a dysfunctional, abusive home. Wendy’s grace and compassion toward her family and circumstances doesn’t cloud her straightforward writing style, which makes reading Silence of Shame both enriching and enlightening.
While few are very young caregivers to the parent in a single-parent home, there are many aha moments with which readers will identify—whether it is the lack of mother-daughter conversation regarding coming-of-age, or the obvious favoritism of one child over all others. Wendy’s laser-sharp focus on detail, acute awareness of the emotional temperature in her family at all times, and her ability to see peoples’ faults and love them with a fierceness because they are family will draw you in.
Yet, for all her love of and sacrifice for her family, Wendy realizes that she must save herself. When an opportunity presents itself, she grabs hold and, without turning her back on her family, builds a life for herself that allows herself to not only survive but thrive.
The same strength and keen insight that Wendy possessed as a child and teenager serves her well as an author. Her attention to detail, empathy, brutal honesty combined with generosity of spirit are present in the lessons that are woven throughout Silence of Shame. It is by speaking our truths that we heal. And, that is what Wendy is encouraging each of her readers to do.
— Kathleen Harkee
While few are very young caregivers to the parent in a single-parent home, there are many aha moments with which readers will identify—whether it is the lack of mother-daughter conversation regarding coming-of-age, or the obvious favoritism of one child over all others. Wendy’s laser-sharp focus on detail, acute awareness of the emotional temperature in her family at all times, and her ability to see peoples’ faults and love them with a fierceness because they are family will draw you in.
Yet, for all her love of and sacrifice for her family, Wendy realizes that she must save herself. When an opportunity presents itself, she grabs hold and, without turning her back on her family, builds a life for herself that allows herself to not only survive but thrive.
The same strength and keen insight that Wendy possessed as a child and teenager serves her well as an author. Her attention to detail, empathy, brutal honesty combined with generosity of spirit are present in the lessons that are woven throughout Silence of Shame. It is by speaking our truths that we heal. And, that is what Wendy is encouraging each of her readers to do.
— Kathleen Harkee
I highly recommend reading this memoir to understand the bonds of a family, even in the worst of times, and to also provide courage to anyone suffering similarly, that life can take a turn for the better.
All families have secrets and deal with them in a variety of ways. Some go to the graves with those who have hidden them, while others bubble to the top in ways that can’t be avoided. To find the courage to absorb these secrets, process them, and apply them to our lives—hopefully in a positive way—is a blessing.
While reading Wendy’s book, I felt sad for these young children and the events forced upon them by a bedridden mother. I was angered at the unspeakable things she etched in their memories. As a parent, heartache engulfed me over the treatment of her youngest, but as the book reveals in the end, we all come through unspeakable times and incidents; some better than others.
As a daughter of a parent who held inconceivable secrets, I chose the path of sharing my story by making a film, in hopes of helping others. I applaud Wendy for her bravery in putting her memories to paper, so others may find comfort in knowing they aren’t alone and there is a path to acceptance and forgiveness.
— Writer/Director Linda Palmer
https://www.runawayproductions.tv/
All families have secrets and deal with them in a variety of ways. Some go to the graves with those who have hidden them, while others bubble to the top in ways that can’t be avoided. To find the courage to absorb these secrets, process them, and apply them to our lives—hopefully in a positive way—is a blessing.
While reading Wendy’s book, I felt sad for these young children and the events forced upon them by a bedridden mother. I was angered at the unspeakable things she etched in their memories. As a parent, heartache engulfed me over the treatment of her youngest, but as the book reveals in the end, we all come through unspeakable times and incidents; some better than others.
As a daughter of a parent who held inconceivable secrets, I chose the path of sharing my story by making a film, in hopes of helping others. I applaud Wendy for her bravery in putting her memories to paper, so others may find comfort in knowing they aren’t alone and there is a path to acceptance and forgiveness.
— Writer/Director Linda Palmer
https://www.runawayproductions.tv/
Reading Menara’s memoir, it’s easy to fixate on the children’s horrific experiences as impoverished wards of the state, forced to intimately tend to their dying and vengeful mother. Menara and her siblings endured years of physical abuse and near starvation while in terror of disappointing the mother who demeaned them.
When the book is finished and the children’s bruises fade in your mind, you will realize Menara’s memoir is more than a tale of abuse. Her story is one of survival and success, of exceeding the expectations and limitations of her upbringing. You will recall her joy at sniffing a freshly opened can of coffee, twirling in flag corps, and relishing a jelly-filled donut after the state check arrived. You will turn from the book, not in despair, but with hope that, like Menara, others will find ways to triumph over the deprivations of their youth.
Not a victim and more than a survivor—Menara is a sculptor, modeling her best self from the uneven clay of her youth.
— Jo M. Haraf,
Author
When the book is finished and the children’s bruises fade in your mind, you will realize Menara’s memoir is more than a tale of abuse. Her story is one of survival and success, of exceeding the expectations and limitations of her upbringing. You will recall her joy at sniffing a freshly opened can of coffee, twirling in flag corps, and relishing a jelly-filled donut after the state check arrived. You will turn from the book, not in despair, but with hope that, like Menara, others will find ways to triumph over the deprivations of their youth.
Not a victim and more than a survivor—Menara is a sculptor, modeling her best self from the uneven clay of her youth.
— Jo M. Haraf,
Author